What If You Make More Sense Than You Think You Do?

June 15, 2026

Over the years, I've sat across from many people who were convinced there was something fundamentally wrong with them.

"I'm broken."

"I'm crazy."

"I'm weak."

"I don't understand why I'm like this."

Yet when we begin exploring their histories, I find myself having the same reaction: It makes sense to me.

Not that their suffering is good.

Not that every choice they've made has been helpful.

Not that they don't need to change.

But that the person sitting in front of me makes far more sense than they realize.

Let’s say Oak grows up in a household where mom and dad argue a lot. Often, while the arguing is going on, Oak’s younger brother and sister need attending to—dinner made, diapers changed, bedtime stories read. Oak notices that a few times when mom and dad are fighting, the yelling and name-calling gets worse when they realize the younger children still need care and attention. So, Oak starts taking it upon himself to cook his siblings dinner, get them changed, and tuck them into bed at night—so that mom and dad have one less thing to fight about. 

As Oak grows up, he continues to anticipate the needs of others in his life… 

He notices that when his girlfriend picks her fingernails, she’s usually upset about something she isn’t communicating, and he doesn’t want her to say anything that might lead to yelling or name-calling or arguing (he doesn’t want to repeat mom and dad’s dynamic). So when he sees her checking her fingers in a certain way, he offers to cook her dinner or wash the dishes or watch her favorite TV show or take her to her favorite ice cream shop. 

He notices that when his boss stands in the office with his hands on his hips, it often means someone has called off work without a replacement, and in the past when that’s happened, his boss begins to yell at Oak and his co-workers. So Oak takes to asking if there are extra hours he can pick up, working long days and nights to keep his boss from inflicting anger on the team. 

Oak begins to think of himself as weak, as a sucker, as a pushover. He begins to think “Why am I like this? What is wrong with me?” But anticipating other people’s needs was a SKILL Oak learned as a child, when he was working hard to keep his parents happy, keep his family together—protecting the family unit, the only source of safety he’d known to that point.

It makes sense: Oak’s anxiety and the way he tries to keep people from being unhappy stems from that little boy who just wanted to feel safe in his home, wanted to be surrounded by loving parents, who learned “If I can make life easier for the people around me, life will be easier for me, too.”

Maybe you're not Oak.

Maybe your story looks different.

Maybe you overthink every decision.

Maybe you struggle to trust people.

Maybe you shut down emotionally when conflict arises.

Maybe you keep everyone at arm's length.

Maybe you feel responsible for other people's emotions.

Maybe you explode in anger and hate yourself afterward.

Whatever it is, before asking "What's wrong with me?" I often encourage people to ask a different question:

"When did this start making sense?"

This is why genuine curiosity can be so helpful in therapy. 

Many people arrive in therapy already convinced they are doing life incorrectly.

They have spent years criticizing themselves, shaming themselves, and wondering why they can't simply stop thinking, feeling, or reacting the way they do.

When therapy begins from the assumption that a person's patterns are simply "bad habits" to eliminate, it can reinforce the very shame that brought them into the room.

Curiosity often opens doors that judgment cannot.

How many of us have lived our lives feeling misunderstood? Misinterpreted? 

Maybe you’ve been told you’re too sensitive.

Maybe you’ve been told you’re overreacting.

Maybe you’ve been told you’re dramatic.

Maybe you’ve been told you’re lazy.

Maybe you’ve been told you’re selfish.

Maybe you’ve been told you’re weak.

Maybe you’ve been told you’re broken.

Before we decide whether any of that is true, let’s understand the story that brought you here...

…if event A led to thought B which led to action C and all these years later, you’re still hoping people will respond with D... 

It makes sense.

Importantly, understanding where a pattern comes from does not mean we have to keep it forever.

But I do believe it helps to understand it first, the origin of the habit or belief or behavior. 

Understand why it was formed, what purpose it served, how it helped make sense of the world or aided in emotional/mental survival. 

Understand it first.

Then decide whether it still serves the person you want to be today. 

So: what if you make more sense than you think you do?

Not because every belief you hold is accurate.

Not because every behavior is serving you well.

Not because your pain isn't real.

But because there is often a reason your mind learned what it learned, believed what it believed, and protected you in the ways it knew how.

Understanding those reasons may not solve everything.

But it can be the beginning of seeing yourself with greater compassion, greater clarity, and—perhaps for the first time—recognizing that you make more sense than you think you do.